


Into the Fire

by Zabeta



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awesome Leia Organa, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But Leia Has Passed Away, Community Developers AU, F/M, Leia is gone so basically everyone needs a hug, Light Dom/sub, Rey Needs A Hug, Urban Designers who help Evil Developers, Work Retreat AU, a little fluff, a little smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-24 06:01:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17095178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/pseuds/Zabeta
Summary: “Alright, SHUT IT!” Rey hollered. “This was important to Leia. We will ALL be participating. Trust requires interaction, right? That’s what we tell our clients, and it’s what we believe, so get over yourselves! You can retreat to your echo chambers next weekend. This week, we are working hand-in-hand with First Order. If it kills us.”OR Scenes from the careers of two people who hope to change the world, one neighborhood at a time. What stands between them again? Oh, right - nothing but pride (and possibly prejudice). Thank heavens someone sees what’s going on.





	1. Count the Years

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TourmalineGreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TourmalineGreen/gifts).



> A gift for the incomparable TourmalineGreen, whose stories would have been my inspiration even if I hadn't lucked out and been able to write this for her. I'm sorry it isn't a pure response to your second (NY resolutions) or third (group camping trip) prompts, but a mash-up of the two, with nods to my favorite of all WIPs out there right now. I hope you meant it when you said you were flexible - Happy New Year!
> 
> Many thanks to the lovely Pythia for beta'ing, the RFFA Mods for providing the structure and motivation to try this for the first time, and the RFFA Discord for hand-holding.

**December 28th - 4:26pm**

“Someone please tell me why we are doing this again.” Rose’s question cut through the silence of four grumpy adults listlessly scrolling through Twitter while they waited for traffic to move. “I mean, I’m sure Leia was a great leader and all, but New Year’s? In the woods? With First Order?”

Poe laughed, “When you put it like that, it does sound pretty awful. But a retreat before the merger was one of Leia’s non-negotiables, and this was the only week left until April.”

“That’s fine - I’d be ok waiting until then to finalize this mess,” grumbled Finn. “Or maybe forever.”

Rey gave Poe a sad half-smile and looked out at the dreary mess of glowing brake lights and dirty slush. She and Poe were on the same page with the merger - it was an unavoidable necessity if they wanted to keep Leia’s legacy alive, but there was no way that collaborating with the firm that had tried so hard to destroy her was going to be easy.

Poe caught Rey’s eyes again and said, “I think we should tell them.”

“Tell us what?” Rose demanded.

To Poe, Rey replied, “I never thought it was a good idea NOT to tell them.” She turned to Rose and asked, “You know the Mothma foundation grant?”

“Which one? They give us money every year.”

“Exactly. They announced two years ago that they were liquidating and closing shop. That was about three months after Crait, and Leia was beating the bushes looking for something to replace it and keep us alive until the next project. So Mothma told her, right after they made their announcement, that they wanted their final grant to make a permanent difference. They offered Resistance a five-year, fifteen million dollar, unrestricted grant…”

Finn gasped. Rose choked. Unrestricted grants were rare, and that much money was unheard of.

“...but there was a condition,” Poe continued. “A big one. Leia had to orchestrate a merger with First Order.”

“Wait! What?” Finn interrupted. “I know foundations can be schizophrenic, but didn’t they used to fund us to oppose some of First Order’s big projects?”

“Actually, Leia never said this, but my guess is that the whole thing was her idea. She knew that we needed to move into different types of work if we were ever going to survive, and she guessed that First Order’s new CEO could be open to a strategic partnership if there was enough money in it.”

“Didn’t you know the CEO, too?” Finn asked Poe. “Wasn’t he at that thing after the conference, that night we met you? Did he totally play you, Poe, or did his evil streak come out later?”

Poe looked at Rey again, holding her eyes with a question. She breathed once, twice, then nodded her permission and looked out the window, bracing for his answer.

“Yeah, I knew him well for a while. We grew up together. He was Leia’s son.”

 

**Four and a half years ago**

_The conference where they had met Poe had been the beginning of it all. Finn and Rey were in graduate school at the time, working at the conference for free in exchange for the opportunity to rub elbows with speakers and potential employers. Poe had been part of the anchor panel, called something like Communities Building Community if Rey remembered right. He had been passionate, and funny, and Finn and Rey had been ready to follow him anywhere._

_They had been eager to help him find the speakers’ room, delighted to get him a cup of coffee, and over the moon when he asked them about their classes and plans after graduation. Finn had told the story about his escaping from soulless suburbia in search of something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Rey had said something about wanting to reclaim abandoned properties to create lasting value. Poe had listened to both of them, asked serious questions, and handed them his card with an invitation to talk later about internships at Resistance._

_Maybe it had been later the same day when she was sitting in the lobby, trying to focus on her real estate finance homework , when a deep voice came out of the space in front of her._

_“Excuse me. It’s Rey, right?”_

_She looked up, straight into the eyes of a man who had squatted down so his face was on level with hers. He balanced with one hand on the seat beside her, barely touching her knee. Later on, she could have told you that he had chin-length black hair, golden-brown eyes, pale skin and the shadow of a ridiculous mustache over pouting lips. In the moment, though, something like an electric shock sparked through her brain. She stared, transfixed, and realized that he was staring, too, eyes wide as the words he had been about to speak apparently vanished._

_It felt like an age, but couldn’t have been more than two seconds before she managed a husky “yes?” in response._

_He shook himself and smiled, collected and charming again. “I’m sorry. I’m Kylo. I think you know my friend over there, Dameron? We’re going out after the last session and he asked me to see if you’d like to join us.”_

_One half of her brain, the one usually in charge, wondered whether she should be ditching her much-delayed date with her textbooks.  But something else in her body - hard to associate it with her brain at all - was making her shrug casually. “Sure,” came out of her mouth, “if you really don’t mind.”_

_“Of course not, Rey.” he said, straightening up. His charm had faded into something more serious. “In fact, I’m pretty sure my night will be ruined if you don’t come.”_

_That night, Finn had been waiting at the top of the station steps when she had arrived, and they’d navigated the subway together to find the grand old bank building with the trendy bar where Dameron was holding court._

_“I can’t believe he included us,” Finn gushed, turning to Rey and shouting in her ear above the din. “He’s an ef-ing rock star!”_

_“Well, I’m sure that’s why he invited you.” said the same unforgettable deep voice that had interrupted her a few hours before. Finn looked up to the man standing behind her. “Every rockstar needs an entourage. And every non-profit needs interns.” Rey could hear the humor in his voice, softening the snark, but Finn’s face told her he’d already taken offense._

_Rey turned carefully. In the press of bodies around the bar, the man behind her had had to step in close to join the party, and she was faced with a wall of black wool, satiny black cotton, and a slash of red on his silk tie. She tilted her head back to see the silk knotted around a spread collar, then further back to find the face above it, tilted down to her.  She realized that she had been thinking about those lips, now so close to hers, for the last several hours._

_She took a deep breath, hoping to get her brain in gear again, and filled her nose with the scent of cedar and graphite, which she managed to ignore as she said, as normally as she could, “Hi, Kylo! This is my friend Finn. So, how do you know Dameron?”_

_“We’ve known eachother forever. Went to the same college. Both majored in architecture, actually, but he fell into the academic side of things and I actually wanted to get things built.”_

_They slipped into a stream of chatter. Finn gradually found his way next to Dameron, where he struck up an animated conversation that Rey could not hear. She had never felt like she had much to add in groups like this, but she loved to listen and feel like part of the crowd. She noticed that Kylo had grown quiet beside her and turned to him, hating to think that he was bored being stuck next to her._

_“I love this old architecture! You can tell it’s the real thing - that marble. I don’t think we even have anything this old where I’m from,” she babbled up at him._

_“What you’re looking at isn’t even the oldest part of the building. The original vault is a museum piece - want to go check it out?”_

_The room he led her to was dimly lit. Up-lights shone on the open vault door and on the massive, hand-cut blocks of the subterranean walls. She tripped over a low point on the worn granite floors, and felt his hand around her arm, steadying her. He did not let go._

_She turned to him, ready to say something about the atmosphere, but stopped when she saw the intensity in his eyes. She stared back, saying nothing, feeling the strength of his hand wrapping completely around her bicep, gentle but unyielding._

_“What do you think?” he asked._

_“About the vault?” she asked sweetly. She guessed that was not what he wanted to know, and batted her eyelashes at him to let him know her innocence was an act._

_“About this.” He squeezed her arm._

_"I like it.”_

_“You do?” he looked at her even more intensely, as if he wanted to pull the truth from her head. “Ah, you do.” He released her arm. “Stay still. Don’t move.”_

_She froze in place, listening to his steps as he circled behind her._

_“Arms behind your back. Look down,” the note of command clear in his voice in spite of its softness._

_She complied, and waited, enjoying the shimmer of heat between her legs. She wondered for a minute if she should be frightened and whether Finn would miss her enough to come looking. She wanted to think that he would, and hoped he wouldn’t._

_Kylo stepped closer, so that she could feel the warmth radiating from his powerful body, and she felt her own breathing change as she began to tremble._

_She felt his hair brush her ear. “Don’t be afraid. I feel it, too. Tell me.”_

_“I felt...something, like physically, when I looked at you today...not a lighting bolt, but...electric...not something I’ve felt before. You felt it?”_

_He didn’t answer, but kissed her neck once, twice….the compulsion to surrender became almost overpowering.  But she suddenly needed to know more about what he felt. If this was just his normal pick-up routine she needed to get a grip._

_“Umm...do you do this often?” she asked less firmly than she’d hoped to._

_“What? Lure women into vaults? No. Not a lot.” The self-deprecating smirk in his voice was reassuring. He stepped around in front of her again and lifted her chin. His eyes were almost black in the dim light, but they were somehow more gentle. “You could be so good for me, little girl,” he mused, then seemed to make a decision. “Meet me tomorrow?”_

_“Not now?” she practically squeaked._

_“Not now, with your friends waiting upstairs. You need to learn patience? I can teach you that. I can teach you a lot. Here.” He produced a pen from his shirt pocket and pulled up her hand, writing ten digits across her palm._

 

**December 28th, 6:46 pm**

Rey woke when her head bounced off the window as the car hit the gravel driveway of the retreat center. After Poe’s surprise announcement, and Finn’s and Rose’s shocked questions and speculation, the car had been quiet for the last hour of the trip, and Rey had drifted off.

Ahead, across a pitch-dark field, they could see a swath of glowing windows, and they were delighted to realize that the rustic cabin they had expected was really an enormous modern house in the woods. They smelled woodsmoke as they piled out of the car, and a faint whiff of warm chlorine. A smiling face with blonde buns on each side peered down at them from a deck that wrapped the whole building.

“Hey, slow pokes!”

“How’d you get here so fast, Connix?”

“Never mind - hurry up and get your suits on! The hot tub is amazing.” She added in a stage whisper, “And no one from First Order is here yet!”

Rey felt her shoulders drop two inches when she heard those words. The feeling of relief shocked her - she hadn’t realized how much she had been dreading the week as she poured her energy into organizing it. Poe turned to look at her, but she jumped out of the car before he could say anything, and got to work unpacking the car and hauling gear up the steep flights of stairs.

The house was stunning inside, reminding Rey of a ski lodge she’d seen in a movie somewhere. A huge stone hearth took up the center of the living room, with a stone chimney that rose up 30 feet to the ceiling. One side of the room was all glass, looking out over the driveway and the woods beyond.

Rey stood in the middle of the hall looking around herself for a minute before she heard a warm voice call to her from the kitchen. “Rey, girl, is that you? Come in, come in! Have a glass of wine - you’ve earned it.” A petite woman came out from behind the kitchen island and came to take her bag.

“Maz, this place is amazing! So much more than I expected at the rate you’re giving us!”

“Well, my dear, I make it up on the government contracts,” she winked at Rey. “Now, I’m serious about that glass of wine. You’ll need it before we tell everyone about the sleeping arrangements.”

“Ugh. You didn’t tell anyone yet?”

“Well, it was the first thing they asked, but I told them we had to wait until you four showed up. Come on, bring your wine out to the deck.”

Maz called for everyone’s attention - her voice astonishingly loud for such a small person - and waited for all eight pairs of eyes to look her way.

“Now that you’re all here, we can choose rooms, and hopefully some of the First Order crowd will get here so we can start dinner.” Snap and Jessika cheered at the mention of food.

“We won’t be talking business tonight, but that doesn’t mean the work you’re here to do is going to wait. I think you all know that we are together this week because Leia Organa wanted it that way. You all knew her. You know she was, among other things, strong-willed. When she hired me to facilitate this retreat, she asked for the impossible - she wanted to lay the groundwork for a single, sustainable, functional, community development firm that would draw equally on the resources and ideals of Resistance and First Order.” Faces that had been turned up to Maz in a show of calm attention turned away at that, and muttering began.

“I know, my friends. It is hard to understand what exactly Leia was thinking. But she had some very specific ideas about how to accomplish her goal, and I promised to respect what were essentially her dying wishes. So, everyone here will be randomly assigned a room and a First Order roommate.” Maz stopped talking amid utter silence, broken only by the bubbling of the hot tub and the wind in the trees. Six open mouths gaped at Maz briefly, before all six of their colleagues turned to shoot accusing looks at Rey and Poe and the shouting began.

“Look, everyone. Can we just...please…,” Rey began.

“Alright, SHUT IT!” Rey hollered. “This was important to Leia. We will ALL be participating. Trust requires interaction, right? That’s what we tell our clients, and it’s what we believe, so get over yourselves! You can retreat to your echo chambers next weekend. This week, we are working hand-in-hand with First Order. If it kills us.”

Rey stopped, threw back a healthy swallow of her wine, and retreated inside while Maz handed out room assignments. Poe came in a minute later to tell her her assignment, but he reached out to stop her as she turned away.

“Hey, kid. Are you hanging in? You were absolutely right out there, but it’s going to be a long week. Marathon, not a sprint, right?”

“Ugh, Poe,” Rey groaned. “What the hell? What the hell was Leia thinking that this could work after she was gone? There’s no way anyone but her could make this merger work!”

“Maybe,” he replied with a shrug. “Maybe not. I think Leia was a pretty good judge of character - yours and everyone else’s.”

“Hah! She always thought Ben would see the light,” Rey spat.

“Well, that might have been an exception proving the rule,” he smiled. “On the other hand, he’s not dead yet.”

“Yet. Like you said, it’s going to be a long week.”

 

**December 28th, 9:35pm**

He had left the city hours later than he’d promised. Pushing 90 on the highway he told himself he’d delayed leaving so he could drive the way he liked, alone in the car and just on the edge of control.

The playlist he’d found kept the mood going for most of the trip, loud enough to keep him from thinking about why he was going, who he would see, and who he wouldn’t. When that ended, right after he turned off the highway and began to curve through night-dark woods and fields, he could find only a single radio station that came in through the static: oldies and swing hits.

He knew that he should have just put up with the to silence. When T _hey Can’t Take That Away From M_ e came on, his thoughts inevitably turned to Rey, and a memory that had been pushing through the fog in his brain for weeks came clearly to mind as he drove through a patch of brilliant moonlight.

 

**Four years ago**

_It had been a brilliant mid-winter night. Cut-crystal air and a full moon overhead, every bare branch on the Common wrapped in tiny sparks of light. He was waiting for her in the cold, working hard to look relaxed and charming. His wool tuxedo and long black cashmere coat  were helping with the cold, but he could not relax to save his life. They had spent only a handful of days and nights together when he was in town on business, but he had started to think of it as their first New Year’s together, and he needed the night to be perfect. New Year’s was never his favorite holiday. No matter where he went or who he was with, he never shook the feeling of loneliness that followed the stroke of midnight. But this year, he had thought, things might finally be different._  

_He saw a woman walking toward him across the Common, about Rey’s height. He looked...and looked again, doing an actual double-take when he realized that the vision coming his way was all for him. She was walking slowly, eyes never leaving his face, and she laughed out loud when she saw his jaw drop. She had found a gown to go with his invitation to dance, a brilliant red charmeuse with broad shoulders, a tiny waist, and a flowing skirt that showed the outline of her gorgeous long legs with every step. He thought of a young and sultry Donna Reed, especially with the smile that was making her eyes dance._

_She stood there, an arm’s length away looking up into his face. She had a light silk scarf wrapped around her curled hair, and her lips were pure crimson. “Rey,” he breathed when she was an arms’ length away. “You look perfect. Turn around for me.”_

_She spun in front of him, making the satin of the evening dress swirl around her ankles, showing off the ankle straps on her dancing shoes with a little kick and a pose. “You like? It seemed like your style.”_

_“Anything you wear is my style, Sweetheart. But your teeth are chattering! Where’s your coat?”_

_“I left it off for effect...was it worth it?”_

_He had been unable to speak as he helped her back into her coat. Women had dressed up to impress him before, but no one had chosen so perfectly what would make him melt. Like the rest of her, Rey’s efforts to charm him were always completely transparent - as if she never really expected him to believe she was actually perfect for him, but was having fun playing at it. It struck him in that moment that maybe he should let her know he wasn’t playing._

_“Kylo - there are stars in your eyes!”_

 

 **December 29th, 7:30 am**  

The prospective length of the week stretched further the next morning, when Rey woke up to the sound of snoring and a blinding flash of orange on the pillow in the twin bed beside hers. She had turned in after dinner, before anyone from First Order showed up, and had crossed her fingers that she might get Mitaka or Phasma, who were always civil, at least. Hux wasn’t the worst possible roommate, but he was next-to-worst.

She slipped out of bed, silently grabbed clean clothes and her toothbrush, and slipped out the door with a plan to change in the bathroom. She succeeded in pulling the door shut without making a sound, then turned and ran right into a wall of flesh covered in a sweat-soaked t-shirt that had not been there the moment before.

“Ungh! Ow! Sorry,” she whispered, dropping her clothes and covering her bruised nose with both hands.

“Do you never look where you’re going?” asked the wall. The wall did not whisper, and Rey froze at the sound of its voice.  Ben knelt down to retrieve her clothes and looked up at her.

Her brain stopped working, except to send her a vivid image of the first time she had seen him from that angle.

 

**Four and a half years ago**

_He had looped his belt around her wrists and gently pulled them up and looped the end around the closet pole just behind her head. She looked into the mirrored door folded up beside her. She saw a gorgeous, lithe body decorated with bits of black lace before she recognized herself and felt her cheeks burn with a whisper of shame for letting him do this on their first actual date. Her lips were red and swollen with kisses, and her eyeliner was smudged - she looked devastated and wanton._

_Kylo came back with a silk scarf in his two hands. “Do you want the blindfold, or do you want to watch?” But she couldn’t begin to articulate what she wanted, and just looked at him, pleading._

_“Next time, then,” he concluded, and put the blindfold aside. “Are you still ok, Rey? Tell me.”_

_“Yes.. I’m just nervous. I want this.”_

_He bent and nuzzled her hair. “Good girl. Now be still.”_

_She watched him as he ran his hands down her sides to her hips and bent forward. When he began to lick and suck at one stiff nipple, she closed her eyes and keened with pleasure. Something about being unable to touch him freed her to feel more. He ran his warm hand up to the side of her other breast and lightly ran his fingers across the delicate curve where her breast met her rib cage. He nipped her before pulling away to say, “This spot here, this is perfect. So beautiful,” and continued to tease her with light touches along her body as he kissed and sucked at her other nipple._

_He kneeled in front of her and trailed wet kisses down from her breasts, across the tensed muscles of her abdomen, into the dip between her iliac crest and pubis. “Wait, Kylo, you don’t have to…” She desperately wanted to hold his head and stop his descent._

_“Shh, be still,” he whispered into the apex of her thighs. “Do you trust me?”_

_“Yes,” she answered, surprised to find that she meant it._

_“Then let me take care of you.” Kylo wrapped his hand around one of her ankles and adjusted her legs, making space for himself between them. She watched the top of his dark head dip closer as he leaned in to kiss her clit. The warmth of his mouth there was unlike anything else she’d ever felt, and as he licked and teased and sucked, her body’s response made it impossible to be anxious. “Ohhh, Kylo. How are you even...uh....doing that? It feels….”_

_He pulled back to look up at her as he ran his fingers through the wetness seeping out of her. Back and forth, a little deeper between her pussy lips with each pass, until he slid one finger inside as far as he could go._

_She broke off her babbling and dug her teeth into her lower lip, whining at the overwhelming sensation. She opened her eyes to meet his then, and he added a second finger. He moved slowly at first, watching her face while her reactions passed across it - a wince, a look of surprise, a smile as he began to pump very gently in and out, a line between her eyebrows as she sought more sensation. When he saw her hips begin to buck, he dipped his head to her clit again and sucked exactly hard enough to make her fall apart._

_She cried out, and her whole body went rigid, except for the walls of her cunt, which rhythmically squeezed at Kylo’s fingers as if to pull them deeper inside. He held his tongue flat against her clit, giving just enough pressure to help her ride out her orgasm and come floating gently back down._

_He stood up again, keeping one hand on her body while he unwrapped the belt from her wrists. She slumped against him, and he held her, rubbing her wrists and murmuring into her hair, “that wasn’t so bad, was it?”_

**December 29th, 7:30 am**

She shook off the memory and headed for the bathroom without answering him. Once inside, she leaned against the door and fought a sense of panic. How in the world did she ever think she could survive a week in the same house with that man? What fantasy world had she been living in thinking they could run a business together? Hot tears threatened, but were burned away before they fell by the anger that came to a simmer everytime she thought about Ben Organa-Solo.

\---------

Ben looked at Rey’s disappearing back and then the closed door of the bathroom for a long moment, one hand still rubbing at his chest. His other hand clenched in anger before he caught himself and stopped, shaking his head. It was almost a habit, the way his body tensed when she was near.

If he examined his feelings - and he had done very little else in the last six months - he could not find a trace of anger at her. All of the things that stoked his fury at her before - her determination to make her own way, her choice to side with his mother over him, her faith in people’s basic goodness - had gradually become things he could admit he admired. The anger driving his automatic reaction now was all for himself.

 

**Three years ago**

_ They had fallen into a pattern Rey didn’t like but couldn’t quit. A meet-up when they were in the same city, then nothing for weeks or months. When he was away, he ghosted her, refused to discuss his personal life, and responded to most of her messages with curt, impatient explanations about the importance of his work. But when they were together, Kylo was intense, focused on her in a way that was both unfamiliar and seriously hot.  _

_ The worst part was that Kylo managed to come across as a completely mature adult with no issues of his own. He dropped into her life and out again and managed to make her feel like her desire for more of him was childish. She found herself feeling slightly hysterical and irrationally jealous for the first time in her life. She knew abandonment issues were beyond normal for someone whose parents had basically left them on a doorstep, but Kylo managed to push all of her buttons in a way that opened up wounds she’d thought had been healed for years.  _

_ The night she realized he was the truly fucked-up one, things had started getting heated the way they usually did. _

_ “You say you are an environmentalist, Kylo, so how do you continue to plunk down 400 units at a time in a cornfield somewhere?” Rey had asked him, putting one hand on his chest, slipping it beneath his lapel.  “Even if you get the design exactly right, and people can walk to whatever bougie corner store you give them, they would still need to get in their cars for everything else! You talk about hyper-efficient buildings and solar panels and greywater recycling, but what about all of the new roads and sewer extensions?” She had let her hands wander down his side, under his jacket, until she could slip her fingers behind his belt at his back. _

_ Kylo had been exasperated, and pulled her hands out of his waistband. “See, that’s the kind of environmentalism that gives you all a bad name. The demand for new homes is through the roof right now, and you want us to stick to building five or ten homes at a time in an existing neighborhood.” He turned her around and held both of her hands behind her back in one hand, using the other to grasp her jaw and tilt her head back. “You hide behind a virtuous argument but you’re ignoring the impact you’re having on people who are paying 50% of their income on rent.”  _

_ “That’s not what I’m saying at all, and you know it!” She stomped her foot. “And since when did you care about people who can’t pay the rent? You wouldn’t know an affordable unit if it bit you on the ass!” She shook her head free and tried to loosen his grip on her hands. “If you’d ever read Skywalker, you’d know that a small-scale…” _

_ Kylo suddenly let go, whirled around and caught hold of the lamp behind him, hurling it against the wall while he yelled, “DON’T quote Skywalker to me…” _

_ After a moment of stunned silence, “What the fuck, Kylo?” Rey yelped. “It really isn’t worth getting that worked up about.” _

_ “Isn’t it?” he turned toward her again. “That asshole is my Uncle. He and my mother shoved all of their bleeding-heart bullshit down my throat for years!” Though Rey couldn’t understand why he was so angry, it was clear that it was real, and that Kylo was barely in control. Rey stepped back to the other side of the couch.  _

_ “When I disagreed with Skywalker, I’d get a lecture about ‘our obligation to care for those less fortunate,’ as if he ever came down out of his Ivory Tower to help anyone. After I told my mother I wanted to be an architect, I became a punchline for all of her anecdotes about arrogance in the design profession.” _

_ “Wait, isn’t Skywalker’s sister Leia Organa?” _

_ Kylo didn’t answer, just waited for Rey to make the next connection. _

_ “You’re her son?” She asked. He just nodded, clenching and unclenching his fists. “You’re Ben?” _

 

**_Three years and two months ago_ **

_Rey had been in Leia’s office only twice when she asked about one of the framed photographs on her desk._ _The young woman in the photo had delicious, long, looped braids and a look of pure adoration on her face. She was facing a small dark-haired boy whose face was turned away from the camera to gaze back up at the woman. His arms reached up to her and her hands wrapped around the small barrel of his chest, ready to lift him up._

_The young woman had to be Leia, though her face was impossibly softer and more open than the woman Rey knew. “Who is that?” Rey had asked._

_“Hmm? Oh, that’s my son, Ben.” The ghost of the same look of adoration passed across her face, chased by sorrow, and Rey hadn’t asked any more questions._


	2. Strike a Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Reconciliation” was written in 3-inch high orange letters on a whiteboard in front of the fireplace. Sixteen men and women sat more or less uncomfortably in upholstered chairs, waiting for the torture to begin.

**Three and a half years ago**

_Rey and Finn had started their internships at Resistance on the same day, six weeks after graduation. They sat side by side at a table in a conference room with two other interns, with phones and ethernet cables snaking across the floor, and Rey had a whole shelf of her own on the Ikea bookcase in the corner to stash her bag and bike helmet. After the tour of the office and a briefing on the projects they’d be working on, they settled in to read the Strategic Plan when a flurry of noise and activity outside the glass wall of their ‘office’ made them look up. A tiny woman, dressed in a plum-colored pantsuit and aqua silk blouse, was cracking jokes with the receptionist. Poe and two other senior staff stooped to hug her when she finished, and began to brief her as she began to stride toward the interns’ room._

_They stood automatically, as if in the presence of royalty, with hands behind their backs and tentative smiles. This was Leia Organa, Founding Director of Resistance and a leading light - the leading light - of the movement to democratize community development._

_“Our new recruits!” She stepped into the room with warm smile. “You must be Finn,” she offered her hand and Finn jumped to shake it._

_“Yes, ma’am.”_

_“Where are you from, Finn? We’re all left-coasties here - Leia will be fine.” Her voice had a rough edge to it, which somehow made it warmer. Rey thought of Scotch whiskey. “And Rey, I’ve heard so much about you, my dear. Welcome.” She held Rey’s hand a moment longer, and Rey felt as if those hazel eyes were searching hers for something else. The look gave her a feeling of déja vu that stayed for a while, nagging at the back of her mind._

_Both Finn and Rey had been hired on when their internships ended six months later. Poe had discovered Finn’s ability to help people re-invent their own soulless suburbs as fun places to live, and he had begun to make a name for himself as a facilitator of suburban redevelopment plans. Rey took her passion for abandoned buildings as a jumping-off point, and found herself drawn to reclamation of all kinds - polluted land, wind- and fire-swept towns, empty shopping malls. She could see the beauty in any damaged thing, and with a few words, a few strokes on a whiteboard, she could make anyone else see it, too._

_Rose joined Resistance the next summer.  A data whiz, she could turn the most complicated statistics into a graphic that could smack you between the eyes. She had more integrity than anyone else Rey had ever met, and her ability to sniff out a lie - and identify how the data had been used to tell it - made her the Resistance’s secret weapon._

 

**December 29th, 9:33 am**

“Reconciliation” was written in 3-inch high orange letters on a whiteboard  in front of the fireplace. Sixteen men and women sat more or less uncomfortably in upholstered chairs, waiting for the torture to begin.

Rey felt the dread settle on her shoulders again as she stared into a coffee cup, withdrawn from everyone around her in order to avoid one person in particular. She knew that people looked at her as Leia’s chosen lieutenant, and trusted her with this impossible task for no other reason. Darkly, she thought how much better it would be when people could see the truth after this week crashed and burned.

Maz interrupted her spiralling thoughts with a hand on her shoulder as she gathered the group’s attention. “Good morning, everyone, and thank you for finding your way down to Takodana.” Maz caught Snap rolling his eyes and continued, “as much as some of you believe you are here against your will, you always have a choice. I thank you for making the choice to come and play along for a while.”

Across from Rey, Hux raised an eyebrow at Maz’s speech and shot his boss a mutinous look. Rey suspected that First Order leadership had not been given any choice in the matter.

Maz continued briskly, “We have half a day on the agenda today, two hours tomorrow, and two more on New Year’s Eve. You will encounter some surprises...probably good ones, we’ll just have to see.”

“Reconciliation is the process of harmonizing discordant things. Whether or not we will end the week in harmony is completely up to you. My goal this week is not set as high as  changing anyone’s basic values or getting everyone to agree on priorities. Given what I know about your two organizations, and the people in this room (did Rey imagine a pointed look at Ben?), I think we need to start by simply making sure that everyone is working with the same set of facts.”

\--------------

As many bad habits as Ben had been able to shake in the last year, grinding his teeth when he was under stress had stuck with him. He could feel his jaw start to tighten when Maz asked about Crait, but he deliberately relaxed and took a deep breath. He reminded himself of the intention he had set during his morning meditation, and prepared to listen.

Crait had not been his finest hour, to put it mildly. It was one of the first proposals he led after Snoke died, and he had had to overrule both Phasma and Hux , who argued that the contract would be more trouble than it was worth. But once Ben had learned that Resistance was a strong contender, he had been determined to win it.

The County, out on the salt flats of eastern Nevada, wanted a new small area plan to guide new building that was expected to accompany a new federal research facility that would bring hundreds of jobs. Resistance had worked with the County years ago, and Ben knew that his mother was probably a shoo-in for the job.

He developed a strategy that Resistance couldn’t hope to overcome, wielding First Order’s connections and money like weapons. He offered to do the work for much less than it cost, then manipulated the data to show a demand for more expensive houses that would make more money for the County. As insurance, and he found a town resident willing to protest Resistance: when Leia stood up to present her pitch to the County Commission, the man jumped up and called her a socialist with a secret agenda to liberalize Crait.

In spite of his strategy, there were Commissioners whose loyalty to Leia Organa was stronger than the desire to save money. The compromise that allowed them to move forward was to choose neither Resistance nor First Order. A third finalist got the contract.

After he went crawling home, he had held onto his position only by giving away some of the control Snoke had hoarded.  

The memory that came to Ben as he sat at the retreat had nothing to do with success or control He thought about the last time he had seen his mother before she got sick. She had been in the Crait Council room, sitting next to Rey. Both of the women had looked up at him, Ben remembered. His mother nodded at him, looking somehow flinty and sad at the same time, but Rey turned her face away.

\----------

Something someone was saying caught his attention and brought him back to the retreat. The woman who led Resistance’s data work was explaining how she reverse-engineered his Crait market study to show how he lied. She was also brilliant, and Ben found himself fascinated and was nodding along as if he’d hadn’t been the one manipulating data in the first place. Ben looked away from the woman’s face for a second and noticed Rey, who was looking at him with sorrow, and he felt the shame of his failure again.

\----------

Rey fiddled with her coffee cup and tried hard to focus on the flow of conversation, but she kept going back in time as she had been since yesterday. A jumble of fragments - heated arguments, flashes of Kylo’s face blissed out beneath her, one late-night long-distance phone call when he had felt closer than he ever had in the same room. She thought about how things had changed after he’d told her who his parents were, how much harder it was to pretend not to care.

She thought about how he would ‘protect’ her by making sure no one ever knew about their trysts. It seemed chivalrous at first, but Rey - being Rey - couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was because he was ashamed of her.

That train of thought took her where it always did, second guessing the best worst decision she ever made.

 

**Two Years Ago**

_The last time Rey had seen Ben before Crait was at another conference. The organizers had actually invited Poe, but he couldn’t make it and sent Rey instead. Dr. Snoke would give the keynote speech, and then two respondents would have five minutes to give their own perspective on his remarks. Rey hesitated at first - Snoke was not only the founder of First Order, but a very famous urban designer who influenced the entire profession. Poe convinced her that it was important to be heard, not to win, and she accepted. She found out later that Ben would be the other respondent on stage with her._

_They hadn’t seen each other in several months. He had seemed reserved when she told him she would see him there, but agreed to meet her for lunch before._

_She vividly remembered the setting. The stage at the front was set like a living room and lit up like a Broadway stage. Three deep leather arm chairs clustered next to a podium, side tables with bottles of water, a single potted plant. Well back from the seating area, the deep stage faded into blackness, with washes of red from strategically placed uplights. She walked to the foot of the stage and looked back at the empty seats where the audience would sit later._

_There were hundreds and hundreds of chairs. Rey began to wonder what she had been thinking, accepting this invitation. The people in those seats were coming to listen to experts. They were all going to know more than she did about urban design, and they were going to know that before she even opened her mouth. What did she have to tell them? She’d been out of grad school for what, a year? She became aware that her pulse was racing and it felt like her lunch was doing somersaults in her stomach._

_Ben stepped around her and walked up the steps to shake hands with a tall man who had appeared on stage. It took her a minute to recognize Snoke, and she realized that the photo on his book jackets had to be 20 years out of date. The man seemed perfectly normal, if a little gaunt, but something about his eyes was fascinatingly repellent in person._ _  
_

_“Ahh, Kylo! Who have you brought me?” He actually rubbed his hands together, “This charming young lady must be one of your new interns?”_

_All of the event publicity included headshots of the speakers. Snoke knew who she was, and her eyes blazed as she walked up the stairs towards the men and extended her hand. “Rey Niima, Sir. I’m with Resistance. How do you do?”_

_“Ah, Miss Niima. What a treat to have your lovely face on stage with us today. I think there’s an AV tech around here somewhere to get your mic set up. Kylo, I need to know where we are on the Savannah proposal.” He put his arm around Kylo’s shoulders again and led him into the wings where they disappeared from view._

_Rey perched on the edge of one of the chairs, hands folded in her lap, and waited. Without Kylo’s warm bulk beside her, the auditorium seemed even more cavernous, and her fury with Snoke’s casual condescension faded as anxiety rushed back in. She’d had stage fright before, but this was something deeper. Alone on the stage, surrounded by darkness and empty seats, Rey doubted her own ability to make the best case for her work. She suddenly realized the enormity of the risk she was taking - if Snoke demolished her in front of this audience, would it impact Resistance as a whole? - and the fluttering in her stomach turned to full-on nausea._

_She was working to calm her breath, breathing in deep and exhaling on a 4-count, when Kylo came back with the AV tech. He stood in front of her, silently looking for a moment, his face inscrutable. Rey had been expecting a warm smile or some word of comfort. Instead, his cold silence sent her back into panic mode._

_She wasn’t certain how much time passed after that, only that someone came and told her it was time to walk back to her seat. She didn’t remember hearing anything but a rushing sound in her ears, didn’t remember seeing anything besides Kylo’s heels in front of her as she followed him out. Her first clear memory was of the light shining in her eyes, and the dim sea of faces that stretched into the darkness._

_The deep armchair she was assigned may as well have been a torture device. For the tall men on either side, the depth and height of the chairs were perfectly comfortable, but the only way she could rest against the backrest while keeping her feet on the ground would be to slouch nearly flat. Instead,  she scooted forward and sat up straight and crossed her ankles to hold herself up._

_She was hyper-aware of Kylo beside her, and in her peripheral vision she could see that Snoke was watching her fidget. That snapped her out of panic mode, and she sat up a little higher, then put on a serenely confident smile._

_Snoke got up and walked to the podium amidst a long round of applause. He started to talk, and Rey found him easy to listen to, though he had to be one of the most arrogant people she had ever been around. He talked about the places where he had worked (and applauded them for having the wisdom to hire him) and a few of the places where he hadn’t (always as examples of short-sightedness), and used his theatrical voice to bring the audience along. It was only when he started to talk about the Responsibility of the Designer that she began to get uncomfortable._

_He referred to the Designer, meaning himself, as an Artist, and the theme winding through everything else he had been saying emerged: environmentalists, historic preservationists, community organizers, neighborhood groups - all were petty nuisances who dared to interfere with what they did not understand. Because they are not trained in the complicated art and science of community design, they were not qualified to comment on any part of it, and elected officials who allowed those petty complaints to be heard were Spineless, guilty of Driving Up Costs and Standing in the Way of Progress._

_A few sentences more, and there was a wave of applause. He bowed modestly and thanked the crowd, before introducing Rey and Ben, and inviting them to respond._

_They were meant to sit back and talk as if it were a pleasant evening among friends, but Rey felt like she would explode if she sat still a moment longer, and she wasn’t sure if half the audience could see her buried behind the arms of the chair. Kylo had turned to his notes, and she could not catch his eye._

_She stood, politely thanked Snoke and the audience, and began to say the things she had written in the airplane that morning. Halfway through, she paused, and reached back for her notes and a sip of water. Kylo still would not look at her. She looked directly at Snoke._

_“As you were speaking about Art and the Artist, it reminded me of the debate about the difference between art and craft. Art, for centuries, was the product of genius - typically male genius - often one man working alone. Craft was skill at making things - artists always had it, but so did artisans and farmers and ladies at home with their needlepoint pillows. Historically, crafters made beautiful things for everyday use, and they adapted old models to make work and life easier - a tool artfully adapted for a left-handed blacksmith, say, or a cradle rocked by the treadle of a spinning wheel.”_

_“Craft is the better metaphor here: our communities are tools that support each of us and make our lives easier to live. Their value comes from their ability to support the people living there. Their beauty must be judged by those same people, who should be able to point to the world around them and say, ‘that means something to me - let me tell you its story’. Our communities must be crafted.”_

_Snoke smiled at her unpleasantly as she returned to her seat, and said, “What an interesting perspective, Miss Niima.” He turned to Kylo and practically purred, “Now Kylo, let us hear what you make of all of this.”_

_Rey held her breath and watched Kylo, who stayed in his chair as he began to speak. He still refused to meet her eyes, but nodded in her direction as his deep voice rolled across the audience. “Dr. Snoke speaks from his considerable experience in cities and towns across the country and around the world, and Miss Niima speaks from her own - much more limited - experience. Everything Miss Niima has just said is wrong…”_

_Members of the audience gasped at that rudeness, but Rey knew he had been invited to create a bit of confrontational drama._

_“...community design is neither an art nor a craft, but a science, and how a given person FEELS about their neighborhood may make for a warm anecdote, but is hardly a test of what works for the greater good. Our communities are more fittingly compared to machines, or maybe organisms, and saying that designers play no role in keeping those organisms healthy is akin to arguing for prayer over modern medicine.”_

_“However,” he sat up straight, “I have come to believe that Miss Nima’s underlying point is correct.” Rey could not contain a sharp inhale of surprise at this unexpected support. “The days when a single vision could drive the creation of great human settlements are well and truly gone, if they ever really existed. The power of a great plan or design is to inspire. Other people bring designs to life.. Now that we have the technology to bring everyone into this conversation from the beginning - to bring together technical expertise and regular people’s ideas for their homes - we have no excuse not to use it.”_

_He spoke for a few more seconds about his latest projects, while Rey looked at him in amazement. Had he really just taken her side against Snoke? In front of the most prestigious of his peers?_

_Snoke, who was expected to moderate audience questions, remained still when Kylo wrapped up. Ben finally turned to Rey and met her eyes. There was something fearful there, but he gave her a small, secret smile. When Snoke hadn’t moved after another 10 seconds, and the line of questioners at the microphone in the audience was getting restless, he nodded at her. Together, they took a deep breath and turned to face the crowd, and Rey invited the first question to go ahead._

_What followed was the most thrilling half hour of Rey’s career.  Every one of the first ten questions was hostile, but whether downright confrontational or sneakily dangerous, Rey and Ben found answers.. Rey would begin to respond, and find Ben nodding beside her and adding a second point in support. Twice, Ben finished her sentences. Once, Rey defused a question directed at Ben by reframing it before he answered. One question set Ben off, and as she heard him slip into an arrogant rebuttal, Rey reached out and put one hand on his leg. He paused and she slipped in and gracefully pivoted to a safer response._

_All the while, Snoke sat paralysed, until the audience seemed to forget he was there._

_After the first ten questions, the mood shifted. The people at the microphones started asking for advice from the pair on stage. Rey turned to Ben once to see if he had anything to add to her answer, and found him staring at her with shining eyes. One of the conference organizers stepped to the mic soon after that, announcing that time was up, and at least half of the audience jumped to their feet to applaud.._

_Rey and Ben turned to go and realized Snoke had not waited to leave the stage with them._

_Ben put one hand on her arm and said quietly, “Come with me.” Instead of moving down the steps into the throng of people waiting to talk to them directly, he led her through the wings through a heavy door marked “Green Room,” and into a deserted lounge._

_He turned to her, hands now on both of her arms. “You were on fire! I’ve always known you were good at what you did, but, Rey,  that line about Craft was fucking brilliant!”_

_She smiled up at him, mirroring his enthusiasm, “Are you kidding me? YOU were on fire!”_

_“WE were on fire. We make a good team, don’t we?”_

_She smiled at that, taking it for a tease. They DID make a great team in some things...sometimes. Instead of answering his question, she asked more seriously, “But, Ben, what is Snoke going to say? You demolished him. I mean, how are you going to work for him now?”_

_“I don’t need his work, Rey. The last projects we got together, it was all my work with his name slapped on top. He’s irrelevant, he just didn’t realize it until today. I’m starting a new company, Rey, and I want you on board.”_

_Her smile froze, then slipped off as she searched his eyes wondering what the punch line was. When he didn’t continue, she stammered, “I’m sorry. What? I mean, that was amazing out there, but you and me, we’re still on opposite sides.”_

_“NO, no, no!” he yelled in frustration, startling Rey, who took a step back. He reached towards her again, but didn’t touch her. “Rey, I’m sorry. The whole idea of ‘sides,’ though! Starting your career at Resistance has warped your view of the world. Let that go, let all of that policy school bullshit go! I know you don’t have any real training or expertise, but that doesn’t matter to me. I can teach you, and together…”_

_He hesitated as he noticed that Rey was shaking her head. “Rey, we belong together, you know it. You’ve known it since the beginning…”_

_Rey interrupted, “Ben, there IS something here, between us, but it isn't enough. When you're really with me...but what we do at Resistance matters...and I DO have expertise, thank you very much! If you don’t see that, then maybe you don’t actually understand me after all.”_

_He looked down at the floor between them. Rey could see his jaw working, and checked his hands - yep, he had clenched them into fists at his side. Rey took a step closer and put her hand on his chest. “Ben,“ she said more softly. “Please. Hear the part where I said there is something here. Can’t we work on that part? Can’t we be like, Hepburn and Tracy, or Carville and Matalin?”_

_He looked up and into her eyes, but his fists stayed at his side. “I can’t do that, Rey. I want all of you - the part that was on fire out there most of all. I need to know you are really with me.”_

_There was genuine pleading in his voice, and Rey felt her heart break in two. How many times had she daydreamed about building something real with him? She definitely didn’t believe in fate, but ever since the electric moment when they met, she had harbored a secret hope that they were meant to be together. There was just no way she could accept these terms._

_“Can’t we just take this slow - see how we get along when we can be together publicly?” Rey pleads. “I can’t just leave Resistance - they’re my family.”_

_“Family? And just like any family, they’re only holding you back! I want you to soar, Rey! Say yes. Please?” He reached for her, hesitant._

_With frustrated tears in her eyes, she had asked him, “Where is this even coming from, Ben? You don't want the same thing from me two days in a row, and now it's all or nothing? I can't... I need to leave now. Maybe find me after the reception?”_

_Ben hadn’t responded, just stood there, curling his fists, staring at the floor._

_Rey didn’t see Ben that night because he got a frantic call from a conference organizer telling him that Snoke suffered a massive stroke after returning to his room. Kylo rushed back to take over leadership of First Order, and Rey returned to Resistance and was pulled onto the Crait proposal._

 

**December 29th**

True to her word, Maz did not keep them sitting, focused on each other, for more than a few hours at a time, but that first afternoon, the team building activity that followed was not a break from the work. When Maz said that they’d be going on a hike after lunch, most of them were excited. They looked outside at the bright sunshine and unseasonable warmth and imagined a relaxing walk in the winter woods.

What Maz had up her sleeves was more complicated. Rose actually used the word sadistic. They were divided into teams of 4 - two from each company - blindfolded, and driven ten minutes to a spot along the trail where they were given a map, a compass, a GPS beacon, a bottle of water and a snack. The first two teams back to the house had first dibs on the hot tub and the last two had to wash the dinner dishes.

Snap, who had been an Eagle Scout, led his team back first. Phasma was next, having simply insisted that her orienteering was accurate and refusing to listen to debate. Poe was dead last; two of his teammates sprained their ankles attempting to slide down a ravine he had convinced them would be a great shortcut. Ben, Hux, Rey, and Rose were not far ahead of them. None of the four knew a thing about orienteering, but that hadn’t prevented Hux from having strong opinions. After half an hour of listening to Rose and Hux bicker, Ben had announced that he was following Rey, and they’d come straight home - more or less - by following her instincts.

Rey was too exhausted to do much more than debrief with Maz, Poe, Phasma and Ben after dinner. Her only contribution was to nod in agreement with Phasma and Poe. Ben was also quiet. She stole a few glances at him and thought he might have been looking away from her when she caught him, but he fixed his attention on the fire for the rest of the meeting, and headed to his room without saying good night.

Rey went to her own room and fell back into the bed without changing her clothes. She could hear laughter from the deck, but only had time to register Phasma and Poe’s boisterous trash talk before she fell asleep.


	3. Light the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had never agreed on what they could and could not talk about since the merger began, but neither one of them had ever referred to the personal part of their mutual history. They had been secretive about it for so long, it was easy to keep that box closed and sealed. Ben had often wondered what she remembered, whether it compared with his memories at all, whether she had ever felt a moment of the ache he did for letting her go.

**December 30th**

The next morning’s session was easier. Maz led them through a list of each company’s strengths and areas of expertise, and then split them up into three mixed groups to analyse how the teams complemented each other. She gave everyone a stack of post-its and directed each of them to jot down every negative thought about the other company as they worked.

Rey knew what was coming next, and for the first time that week looked forward to her friends’ reactions. Maz uncovered three sign-up sheets labeled Winery Tour, Spa Treatments, and Cooking Class. When everyone had sorted themselves out, Rey was a little surprised to find Hux on the Spa list and Poe in the cooking class, but not at all shocked to find Ben in the van heading to the wineries. Finn was there ahead of her and saved her a seat between himself and Mitaka. Jessica, Snap, and a gorgeous woman named Sloane whose mother had been a legendary architect and one of the original founders of First Order.

It turned out that Finn, Rey and Mitaka (who Rey learned was actually named Dopheld...no wonder he went by his last name) had all finished grad school the same year, and they compared notes about design school attitudes for a while before talking about their favorite concerts. Rey worked to bring Sloane and Jessica into the conversation, while Ben and Snap, sharing a bench seat - both looked out their respective windows for the whole trip.

Finn rolled his eyes at the man in front of him and leaned in close, “Why is he such an asshole, do you think?”

Rey hit his arm, “Stop it.” She turned back to Mitaka and made a point of ignoring Finn, but he hadn’t said anything she wasn’t already thinking.  If this retreat succeeded - and it was beginning to seem like it just might - it would be no thanks to Ben’s leadership. He hadn’t been an actual asshole - not at his normal level of assholery, anyway - but he hadn’t had much to contribute, either.  He seemed to spend a lot of time listening and letting other people do the heavy conversational lifting.

She thought about the times before, the times when she had seen him at receptions or in groups, and she realized that he had never really been the life of the party. The only times she could remember him talking  to a roomful of people had been in front of a microphone. The smiles she remembered had always been just for her.

 

**December 30th, 3pm**

They hit the first two wineries quickly, then stopped at the third to order some food and water along with their wine flights. Rey was across the table from Ben, her nose buried deep in an exquisite glass of unoaked chardonnay. Ben had liked that one, too, but he was distracted by the look of sensual bliss on Rey’s face. When she lifted her face to the sun, eyes closed, and hummed with pleasure, he could not look away from the stretch of her neck. He felt his mouth watering and didn’t think it had anything to do with the wine.

“Is that your favorite so far?” he asked. He could see Rey startle and regretted breaking her spell. Her mouth opened into a small O as she opened her eyes, as if she hadn’t remembered he was there.

“It’s my favorite ever. Do you like it?” Rey was a little looser than usual, and Ben remembered that he had about forty pounds more muscle on his frame than she did. No surprise that she was feeling the wine before he did.

“I do.” He smiled into his glass.

“Why?”

He looked up again, “Hm? What do you mean?”

“I mean, why do you like it, what do you like about it? I loved how you used to talk about wine...So many words! But I could always taste more when you described it for me…” She tilted her head to one side, remembering.

In the months since the merger began, neither one of them had ever referred their mutual history.  They had been secretive about it for so long, it was easy to keep that box closed and sealed. Ben had often wondered what she remembered, whether it compared with his memories at all, whether she had ever felt a moment of the ache he did for letting her go. It was jarring to hear her bring it up, and he found himself looking around to see who might have heard.

He thought about excusing himself or changing the subject, but instead he took another sniff and sip and said, just loud enough for her, “It’s like sunshine on steel. White flowers climbing a steel trellis in the sun, and there’s a cold breeze and a flag is snapping in the wind - can you taste that snap?”

She looked at him with wide, dark eyes, tears shimmering. She nodded and a fat tear spilled over and into her wine. “Yes. Sorry. Excuse me.” Ben watched her get up and walk carefully to the ladies room.

He finished his glass in one swallow and went over to buy a case.

\-------

Sloane watched him go, and nodded to Finn. “What’s the history on those two?”

“Rey and Kylo...Ben? I mean, I think there might have been something once, but it was before...before Snoke died anyway.”

“You think she’s done with it?”

“Oh, yeah! I mean, she’s moved on…” but Finn realized he didn’t have any evidence that she had moved on really. The times they had talked about guys they liked, she had kept it light. Finn had never wondered about that - they both worked all the time.

While Finn rifled through his memories, Jess spoke up. “She’s never dated anyone since I’ve known her. Finn, you didn’t notice?” She looked at Sloane and Mitaka, “So what about Ren - I mean Ben? What’s his history?”

 

**December 30th, 4:30pm**

Rey is very quiet after the fourth winery, where she tasted only one wine - a sparkler they hadn’t found anywhere else. She seems fine, just quiet, but Finn keeps an eye on her just in case. He notices now that Ben is never more than two steps away from her.

The only seats left open when Ben and Rey get back to the van are on the empty last row. Rey drowses off five minutes into the drive and spends the rest of it with her head pillowed on Ben’s warm, unyielding bicep. His arm starts to tingle after twenty minutes, but he just looks out the window at winter-gilded hills and horse farms, and stays as still as he can.  


**December 30th, 8:00pm**

That night, they enjoyed the feast the cooking class made and drank toasts in the sparkling wine Sloane and Snap brought back to share. Their toasts started out very serious: From Phasma, “To Leia Organa, a visionary we would all do well to emulate,” and Poe, “To Dr. Snoke, whose design vocabulary remade the world we work in.” Rose offered a toast to the Mothma Foundation, and Hux, giggling, added “and thank God they didn’t insist on coming down here!” They toasted the cooks, and Maz, and the wine itself, and then someone suggested moving the party to the hot tub.

Rey thought about how much Leia would have enjoyed the evening, and turned to Ben, “Your mom would have loved this, you know?”

An enormous smile cracked across his face. “Oh my god! She would have been the first one in that hot tub. Don’t make me think about it!”

“Do you think this is what she wanted?” Rey had been wondering whether Ben approves of what they’re doing there, but she couldn’t ask him that.

“You know I have no idea what my mom was thinking, right?" He raised one eyebrow and huffed a rueful laugh. "Ever?”

The picture of Leia gazing adoringly at baby Ben, wrapping him up in her love, came to her mind, and she answered him quietly, “Right - I know.”  


**December 31st, 6:30am**

Rey woke up to the sound of not-quite-snoring and the smell of bacon. She stayed still, snug in the covers, and realized that she felt different. It seemed lighter, maybe - not quite happiness, but maybe optimism or hope - a sense that good things could happen.

She hadn’t realized until that moment that at some point she had stopped feeling like good things were possible. It probably dated back to Leia’s illness, or to the time right after when the Board had told her that they wanted her to take on half of Leia’s job, sharing it with Poe. He had been a wonderful friend to her from the beginning, and he was generous is sharing the role with her, but the weight of Leia’s loss had dragged on her each day, until she felt like she was under water and cut off from reality.

She probed the feeling of optimism a bit, trying to figure out what had changed. She thought about the moment with Ben last night, talking about Leia, and how close she had felt to him. She thought about the way individuals from First Order and Resistance had razzed each other during the toasts, with only the slightest hint of bitterness popping up. Ten minutes later, her wandering thoughts had landed on an idea about new work they could bid for as a single organization. Her brain humming along, she was energized by a passion for work for the first time since Crait.

She checked the time and decided to go for a trail run to keep working through her ideas.  Hux continued snoring, so Rey quickly stripped and pulled on tights and a top and grabbed her shoes. She looked both ways coming out of her room, and was intrigued to see Snap’s unmistakeable back walking out of the room Sloane shared with Connix. Rey shook her head, muttering about Leia’s shenanigans under her breath.

Ben was coming down the trail as she set out, and she smiled and raised her hand in an abbreviated wave.  He stopped and changed direction, jogging alongside her. “How far are you going?”

“Not sure about distance - maybe forty minutes? If that’s ok with you?” She raised an eyebrow and flashed him a side eye.

“Want company?”

“Think you can keep up, old man?”

“At this pace? No problem.”

“Oh, I’m just warming up. But I don’t want to bore you - let’s go!” she said the last two words over her shoulder, as she powered up a steep part of the trail.

Neither said anything for the first couple of miles. Rey set a bruising pace for herself and Ben stayed close behind her.  

She slowed her pace after cresting a hill and Ben stayed behind her, so she turned to face him, jogging backward. “You like the view back there, Solo?”

“You’re trying to entrap me, aren’t you? That’s your plan to be rid of me, isn’t it? A sexual harrassment suit?” He was mostly kidding, she thought, but he wasn’t entirely confident.

“Sorry, Ben. It’s hard to go completely professional with old friends. Just come around here by my side and I’ll stop worrying about which part of my anatomy you’re following.”

They continued another five minutes in silence, matching strides and breaths, before Ben asked, “Can we talk for a bit?”

“Well, I can, but you’re huffing and puffing,” she joked, but saw how serious he was and added, “Of course, Ben. I’d really like that.”

Ben was silent a minute longer. Rey prodded him, “Did you want me to just talk, or was there something on your mind?”

“Sorry. Words are hard. I’ve been reading your project closeout reports.”

“OK. Please choose carefully what you say next…I don’t think I can pick up the sparring where we left off,” Rey asked.

“No sparring. Your ideas...remember what you said about neighborhoods being a craft, at Snoke’s last speech? I like how you've developed that idea. It’s really solid now. I think you’re onto something.”

“Really? I’ve wanted to talk to you about that idea since, well, since that day. I woke up this morning thinking how we can use it. It's a series of workshops - maybe over the course of a year? - with some guidance and data analysis from us to kick things off. I think we make sure they get the right people there -  like they need all the usual suspects, but we if we get the mix right we can bring in racial and economic justice issues, too. Maybe pull in high-school students? Actually, maybe there’s a vocational component, so bring in the community college…”

Ben wasn’t winded yet, but he was happy to listen to the ideas pour out of Rey as her ideas took shape. He hadn’t seen this Rey since before Snoke’s collapse, and he had thought that maybe Resistance had worn through her passion. He felt giddy - partly from endorphins, and partly from the unexpected grace of her light shining out at him again.

He grabbed her around the middle and swung her in a circle, laughing while she shrieked, “What the hell was that?”

“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Keep going, please,” and he held out one hand to invite her to proceed.

She grinned at him, then, and panted out ideas a mile a minute all the way back to the house.

 

**December 31, 10:00 pm**

The New Year’s bonfire dwarfed Maz. Standing well back from the blaze, she had to shout to be heard over the crackling.

“Well, my dear ones. Here we are - at the end of the beginning. In all the years I’ve worked with groups like yours, I have never seen anyone who wasn’t driven by fear. It’s human nature, of course, but it is also human to choose to move beyond fear. I have tried to give you some of the tools you need to do that - at least as far as fear of each other. I don’t expect to have succeeded in this short week - now you have the tools (Friendship? Empathy? Maybe even trust?) and it is up to you to continue to use them.”

“The bonfire here is just theater - punctuation to the work you’ve already done. We’re going to burn all of those cathartic post-its you generated, and the last assignment I will give you is to think about one misconception you have had to give up this week. Hold it for a moment, then let it fly up with the flames and the sparks. Tomorrow you can start rebuilding with the things that didn’t burn away.”

Maz turned to toss the bits of paper into the heart of the fire, and they watched each one turn into a leaf of ash and drift upward. It took a few seconds to incinerate a week’s worth of anger and fear and suspicion, and all that was left was the fire, burning hot and almost too bright to look at.

Rey thought of Leia and knew she was somewhere nearby - in the heart of the fire or just behind her and a few feet off the ground. Rey could imagine how she must be smiling that I-told-you-so smile everyone found so frustrating and endearing. Tears filled her eyes in sudden grief - how was she ever going to survive without seeing that smile again? How would she know that she was doing the right thing without Leia’s example and approval?

Someone turned the music on then, and someone else popped the cork on the first bottle of bubbly, and the party began. Through the lump in her throat, Rey felt a giddy laugh bubble up from deep inside, and it felt like the laugh was Leia, too, and wouldn’t that have been the most fitting memorial, anyway? She reached for an offered glass of champagne and drank to Leia Organa, then danced and laughed until she couldn’t breathe.

 

**January 1, 12:52 am**

The fire burned hot and bright for hours before they let it die down into a bed of coals after midnight. They counted down together, and drank a final toast, yelling “Happy New Year” as loud as they could into the silent woods. Rey wasn’t sure when people started to drift away, or where they went, but she said good night when Finn, Hux and Rose got up and noticed that only Ben is left across the fire circle.

Across the circle, Ben’s features hovered in the darkness. His black clothes faded into the background and the glow of the dying fire caught on his cheekbones and eyes. He stared into the coals, lost in thought, apparently unaware of the sudden stillness. She spoke into the silence, “Are we paper or a stone, do you think?”

He just looked at her quizzically, trying to make some connection with her words.

“What Maz said about rebuilding with things that didn’t burn away. Do you think you and I were paper or something fireproof?”

“The trouble with that metaphor is that it’s subjective - what you think is a stone and what I do may not be the same.”

“Fine!” she huffed. “Always so analytical... You are a stone to me, Ben. I have never been able to get you to burn.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, I am. I wanted you to be able to move on. You deserved better - you still do. It’s been a gift to watch you grow into the role you took on. I think about what you would have had if you had left with me when I asked. It wouldn’t be anything like this. I see you with your friends here, the way they look at you - the way they look up to you - and I can’t fault you for saying no. This, here, is everything -- and I basically offered you nothing.”

“Are you kidding me? You aren’t nothing to me, Dumbass!. Yeah, these people are my family. I don’t think I could have survived the last year without them. But Ben, they can be your family now, too.”  Across the glowing coals, she reached out to him. “You never have to be alone, Ben.”

“Dumbass, huh?”

“Focus, Ben. You totally are, though.”

“Probably.” He took her hand and tugged, pulling her over to sit on the log beside him. He pulled her hand into his lap and began to trace a pattern on her palm. She shivered, and felt Ben shiver, too, beside her. His voice wavered as he asked, “What if I only want to be not alone with one person?”

“Well, I guess that depends on the person.”

\---------

“Honestly, Ben! You liked to play Dom, but I think you were fucking scared to death of me!” she teases.

He is silent for a moment, his jaw working as he holds her mock glare without flinching. “Yes.”

“What?

“Yes. Yes, you terrified me. From the moment I touched you that day. I wanted so much for that to mean something, and I was terrified that it wouldn’t, or that I would fuck it up. But from that moment, there was no way to fool myself that anyone else could fill the gap you created.”

\----------------

It was 2 am when he pulled her up and walked her back to her room. In the living room, one group is still laughing and chattering. Rose is sitting on Hux’s lap, and Finn, Poe, Phasma and Sloane are crowded every which way into an oversized armchair.

“Good night, Kids!” calls Rose. “Oh, hey, Ben? Would you mind taking Hux’s bed tonight? I invited him over for a sleepover in our room.”  All of them look at Rey and Ben, sweetly expectant. She nods, dumbstruck, and pulls Ben after her toward her room. Behind them, the group erupts in laughter and hoots of encouragement.

She turns to him at her door and looks for permission to pull him inside. His ears have gone bright pink, but he looks hungrily at her mouth, and gathers her up into a sweet, deep kiss the moment he crosses the threshold.

\--------

Later, he locked eyes with her as she slowly lowered herself onto his length. She wanted to feel every centimeter or his cock stretching her, creating that feeling of rightness she had thought she’d never know again.

Ben’s hands on her hips were tight with the effort not to push down, not to rush her, wanting to revel in the bliss on her face and drink in every small change of expression. He saw when her expression changed, right after the flinch when he bottomed out, a wave of grief washed her features before she tucked her chin into her chest in an attempt to hide from him.

“What is it, Sweetheart?”

At that, she choked back a sudden sob.

“Oh, Rey, don’t hide. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m sorry. This just feels so good, and I’m so scared to lose it again. To lose you.”

He sat up, wrapped one long arm around her hips and the other around her shoulders, holding her tight to him as he flipped her onto her back.

“Shhhh, little one. Shhh now.” He ducked his forehead to hers, surrounding her face with his dark curls to make a safe place for her, full of the smell of woodsmoke and Ben.

“Let the past die, Rey. Send it away. I am here now, we are here. I will never leave again unless you want me to.”

As he spoke, he slowly drew his cock out, sliding back again with shallow strokes to underline each declaration.

“I am HERE now. This is the ONLY place I want to be. With YOU, Rey. If you’ll have me, Sweetheart.” He slid out again until the silken head of his cock lay just inside her cunt. “Do you want me, Rey?”

“Oh, Ben,” she moaned.

“Say it, Sweetheart. Tell me what you want right now.”

“Oh, Ben. I want you to fuck me. Remind me. Make me forget.” She writhed beneath him, throwing her head side-to-side as she tried to chase his cock, but he kept it just out of reach, feeling himself - impossibly - grow even harder as he teased her.

“Just...oh, please!”

“Yes. Rey,” he whispered into her ear as he filled her again, loving the feeling of her name on his tongue almost as much as the feeling of her cunt enveloping  him. She arched her hips up to meet him and then stilled beneath him as he pressed her into the mattress, feeling her heart pound against his chest.

He pulled out and slid in again with her still pressed to his chest, beginning to establish a gentle rocking rhythm as he watched her face, waiting for her eyes to open and meet his again. “Is this good? Do you want more?”

Eyes open, locked on his, she hummed her reply, “Mmmmm.”

“Words, sweetheart?”

“Ben, yes. More. Please.”

He answered by pushing up onto his straightened arms, using the leverage to power his thrusts, and Rey cried out, “Yes! More!”

She tilted her pelvis up to give him a better angle, then wrapped her legs around his muscular hips, heels meeting his ass to push him further in on every down-stroke.  The stretch of his cock exposed the bundle of nerves at the top of her slit, and she used her arms to brace against the bed and meet his every thrust, dipping her pelvis so that her clit met his pubic bone at the perfect angle every time. “Oh my God, Ben. How do you do this? You are...so...perfect...oh, Ben…”

She felt the connections between her brain and mouth begin to dissolve in the pleasure that radiated from the point where Ben’s core met hers, and babbled a few more incoherent words before she felt the pleasure take over every circuit and white out her vision.

Above her, Ben saw her arch and freeze and stilled his hips, keeping them connected where he knew she needed the gentlest pressure and friction to keep the wave of pleasure lapping along her body as she came down. He ran one hand down the soft skin across her ribs, the curve of muscles at her waist, then back up to palm one perfect breast as he watched her come back to herself. She looked up at him with shining eyes, “How do you do that to me?”

“Really not sure,” he shrugged, “but I am committed to doing the research to pin it down.”

She reached her arms around his neck and pulled up to meet his lips. It was her turn to tease now, and she barely brushed her lips against his, pulling away whenever he tried to deepen the kiss.

He growled in frustration and she giggled, then bit his pouting lower lip before crashing up into him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth and pressing her breasts against his chest. He could feel how hard her nipples were, felt the strength of her arms around him and the heat of her mouth, and he knew that everything had changed. It was as if the spark he had felt when his eyes met hers for the first time had caught and smoldered deep below the surface ever since. As the fire roared back to life, his body came alive in a new way, every limb singing, and his eyes flew open.

Rey was looking back at him, a curious smile on her lips. “What happened?” she asked.

“You mean you felt that?”

“Not sure if I felt what you felt, but I can feel this,” she raised one eyebrow and shifted her hips. His cock, still buried in her, was as hard as it had ever been.

“I need you, Rey…”

“I know, Love…”

“No, I mean I NEED you. Come here.”

He pulled out, sat back on the bed, and pulled her toward him by the ankles, until she was sitting on his thighs, his cock resting between them. He grabbed her hips and, before she could find her balance to help him, he  lifted her up and settled her down again over his his length. She ‘whooped’ in surprise and held on to his shoulders, but her smile melted when she saw the intensity on his face.

He bent to kiss her, his hot mouth glued to hers and his tongue following the same slow, hard rhythm as his cock inside her. He pulled her legs out to wrap around his hips, and pressed her into his chest, moving inside her without ever drawing away. She combed her fingers up into his hair, massaging with the pads of her fingers and pulling gently the way she remembered he liked. He groaned into her mouth and broke the kiss.

“Rey,” he breathed. He threw his head back and said her name again, louder, “Rey!” His movements quickened and she squeezed the muscles of her cunt to give him more of her and watched his face in wonder. She could feel his whole body go rigid as his cock throbbed inside of her, and the look of concentration on his face turned to something softer before he pulled them together again and dropped his forehead to hers. He breathed hard, and she could feel his heart pound against her naked breasts.  

He began to lean back, taking her with him, and she untangled her legs to lay beside him as he collapsed. He held her close, so that she had to struggle to pull away and find a blanket to pull over them.

Once she was back at his side, his breathing deepened and slowed as he fell asleep. She inhaled the smell of his satisfaction, sex and cedar and graphite, and let herself drift on the rise and fall of his chest until she was asleep, too.

 

**Seven months ago**

_Leia and Maz sat by the enormous hearth, looking out at the fields around Takodana while they nursed glasses of scotch._

_Maz was shaking her head. “I’ve worked with a lot of crazy people over the years, Leia, but this plan of yours? Are you sure there isn’t a bit of dementia in that diagnosis?”_

_“Maz, you haven’t seen these kids. I guess you’ve met Ben, but you haven’t seen him with Rey. She was with me in the hospital when Ben got there, and I’ve never seen two people try harder not to look at each other. So I asked Ben what was going on, and you know him - he thinks he’s such a private person, but you can read his face like a tabloid. Oh, Maz, his eyes when he says her name....” Leia stares into the fire, lost for a moment._

_She went on, “I had almost given up hope. It’s hard to know I’m leaving…”_

_“You could have years…”_

_“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit, Maz. You know it as well as I do I’m in the final stretch. I was going to say it was hard to know I was leaving Ben so deeply alone. When I saw his face talking about her, it gave me hope that he wasn’t a lost cause, and then I knew what I had to do.”_

_Maz signed, “Well, you have my promise to carry it all out. Here’s hoping it will work.”_

_“It sure as hell better, Maz, or those kids ain’t heard the last of me!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Burning the Old Year, by Naomi Shihab Nye
> 
> Letters swallow themselves in seconds.  
> Notes friends tied to the doorknob,  
> transparent scarlet paper,  
> sizzle like moth wings,  
> marry the air.
> 
> So much of any year is flammable,   
> lists of vegetables, partial poems.  
> Orange swirling flame of days,  
> so little is a stone.
> 
> Where there was something and suddenly isn't,  
> an absence shouts, celebrates, leaves a space.  
> I begin again with the smallest numbers.
> 
> Quick dance, shuffle of losses and leaves,   
> only the things I didn't do  
> crackle after the blazing dies.


End file.
